I use to bow down to the obedience I gave to my disease. I felt out of control the first time I purged. Trying to go a day without purging felt like the end of the world, every second filled with temptation and I was ready to give in. There is something so estranged when you consciously decide to rebel against your body, willingly and without caution. Everything else seems to disappear, and you are left in a realm of disassociation to your self-state.